


monochrome

by orphan_account



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Gen, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2016-08-30
Packaged: 2018-07-17 23:31:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7290523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everywhere he looks, feels, senses, tastes, there's only monochrome. </p><p>AU where sealing the Flame also block Tsuna's senses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> OKAY, SO. this is my first ever fic in ao3. 
> 
> PLEASE NOTE THE TAG IN THE STORY, THANK YOU.
> 
> ALSO TOTALLY THANK YOU TO katekyo-hitman-aus on tumblr for the ideas like they have a lot of good aus im planning to write like 5 of them atm?????? s o

Even before something happened to him, that man, _that old man_ , scares the crap out of him. His head throbs as warning alarms echoes at the back of his head, warning him not to get close, to get away, to run away _now now now and don't look back_ , which is scary on his own because even in front of a dangerous person-- _his bullies, his tormentors, yakuzas, ex-assassins_ , assassins--it never reached to the point where the alarms are practically blaring and causing his head to ache.  
  
But he knew he couldn't avoid him, his mother would be worried if he disappears in the middle of a visit from his father (what father?). So he bears the feeling inside of him with tight smiles and clipped answers, choosing to play with his ball in the backyard instead of staying with the scary old man and the big blond idiot.  
  
The ball bounces away from him.  
  
He got up, walking toward the ball when suddenly, he hears barking from the other side of the fence! He hates dogs (always have been since forever, he doesn't know since _when_ ), they're scary, loud, and they slobber everywhere! He have to go. He knew he have to go but the front door is a no and the living room is definitely a no because _he's_ there, and there's no way he wants to trigger the common sense inside his head.  
  
So he races to the top of the tree, whimpering and whining while climbing the tree with unsteady feet and loose grasps,  
  
only to lose his grip on the branch.  
  
Falling.  
  
He's...falling. Slowly, sure, but he's falling, and it feels like everything is blurring and turning bright and-  
  
it's warm.  
  
He's slowing down, he knows he's slowing down.  
  
His back reached the ground, gently, quietly, tenderly.  
  
He closed his eyes, finding the warmth peaceful and calming and lulling him to sleep, sleep, _sleep, my child_ , and with the voice inside his head urging him to sleep, to let go, he does.  
  
He could feel himself cradled by strong arms, and a finger pressing against his forehead.  
  
And after that, everything went d a r k . 

 

* * *

 

 He wakes up.  
  
His mother is sleeping on the sofa, a gray jacket wraps her shoulder. Tsuna can only hopes that she's warm, because he, he couldn't feel anything. His ears are ringing, ringing and he doesn't know where the beeps coming--behind him? front? right? left? _where?_ \--and why does it gets louder and softer and louder like someone's playing with the volume button and he's trying to process everything, but everything is confusing, as if he's watching everything through a magnifying glass.  
  
_Maddening._  
  
He knows it wasn't meant to be like this. He knows, he knows, hospital--ah, hospital, he's in the hospital--should've smell like disinfectant and the beeps only coming from the right side of his bed and he knows the IV supposed to be hurting and he knows that the ringing in his head shouldn't exist, and he knows, _HE KNOWS_ ,  
  
that everything aren’t supposed to be gray like this.  
  
His hands, gray.  
His clothes, gray.  
His mother, gray.  
Everything is black-gray-white and it's freaking him out because he knows he should've seen soft peaches and blue and red tint and not monochrome and he's scared, oh god he is so _scared._  
  
The beeping goes faster, alerting everyone.  
  
He can't _breathe._  
  
The door slams open and the doctor and nurses rushes in and inject something into his veins--it doesn't hurt, _oh god it doesn't hurt at all_ \--while his mother stares at him like she's scared, she looks so haunted and scared and now Tsuna wants to stay awake to convince his mother that he's fine, it's fine, _everything is alright, mother, please smile_ but dark spots appear at the corner at the corner of his eyes and it's dragging him back to the unconscious land and he's falling, again, falling,  
  
and this time no warmth envelops him and he is so, so _cold._

 

* * *

 

 "You were in coma for more than a week and frankly, we were worried about your brain."  
  
Stop. Talking.  
  
"Does everything feels alright now, Tsuna?"  
  
"Yes, just- stop- talking- _PLEASE_!"  
  
_Not when you can't make it steady when your words goes up and down and around and it's maddening and it's driving_ me _crazy_  
  
"We...will let you rest some more." The doctor looks slightly uncomfortable, before she left the room with an advice to eat something.  
  
There's food on the table.  
  
He eats the pudding.  
  
Bland.  
  
He throws everything away.

 

* * *

 

"Tsuna, are you alright?" The blond stranger--not his father, not his father, _NEVER HIS FATHER_ \--stands on the right side of his bed, while Tsuna is clutching at the teddy bear brought by Nana a few nights ago. He nods, because first, he doesn't want to say anything to this man, and second, _second_ , his voice is annoying him too much and he's trying so, so hard not to punch the stranger.  
  
"Tsuna, I..."  
  
"It's fine, Iemitsu."  
  
That, voice.  
  
T--that voice.  
  
T--t--that v o i c e.  
  
G-u-e-s-t--?  
  
O-old man. That old man.  
_  
Finger pressing against his forehead,  
  
wrinkled finger. _  
  
T-that old--man--  
  
He buries his face on the fur of his beloved teddy bear.  
  
Breath in, breath out.  
  
"GO AWAY!" He yelled, his body trembling with fear and insecurity and pure, pure _terror_.  
  
Breath in breath out breath in breath out breath in breathoutinoutinout  
  
"GO AWAY GO AWAY GOAWAYGOAWAYGOAWAYGOAWAYGOAWAY-"  
  
He's shaking. He knows he's shaking and he's not making any sense but he's so scared, so so scared please take him away please don't return please go away go away go away scared scared _scared p l e a s e **g o** _  
  
He's shouting. The doctor are injecting something again into his veins.  
  
The devil goes along with his advisor, and Tsuna can breathe easier, in-and-out easier, and he's falling asleep again.  
  
The sky in his dream is gray.  
  
He...forgets what color the sky is supposed to be.

  

* * *

 

 He goes home.  
  
He trips.  
  
Walk, walk, walk, walk,  
  
trip.  
  
  
Part of his routine now.

  

* * *

 

"Dame-Tsuna! Can't even walk properly, what are you, a baby?!" Jeering, loud, so loud.  
  
It's everywhere, echoing inside of him, and everything is so gray, he is so confused and scared and everything is so different and he's so off-balance it's _NOT. **FUNNY.**_  
  
Breath in, breath out.  
  
Mother, think of your mother, _think of your mother, Tsuna._  
  
Her soft-peach memories, remember her, _remember her._  
  
Breath i n, breath o u t.  
  
A kick.  
  
Doesn't hurt. _Haha, you fail,_ he wants to laugh.  
  
Everything's numb and it doesn't hurt.  
  
Maybe it's better this way, maybe he was meant to be like this.  
  
He's coughing blood, something feels out-of-place with his arm.  
  
Funny, is it supposed to bend that way?

  

* * *

 

Routine.  
  
Part of routine.  
  
Nothing scares him anymore,  
  
How does one scare another when the other can't feel _anything_?

  

* * *

 

 His mother's food taste bland.  
  
So, so bland.  
  
But he says his thanks and dug in, trying to ignore the fact that he couldn't taste anything and says it's tasty, thank you, mother, thank you.  
  
He spend his afternoon on the bathroom, because his tongue doesn't agree with his heart.

 

* * *

   
  
Numb

 

* * *

 

   
Reborn opens the door only to find a jaded mother and a numb son,  
  
a son who lost his color,  
  
the son who wishes to _die_.

 

* * *

  
  
_Iemitsu, you bastard._ Reborn thought as he listens to what Nana says, about his son, about his dramatic change after his coma, after her husband--is he really her husband when he's so far away and lied to her about so, so many things and _dares_ to ruin her son as well?--and the guest comes and everything changes, and Tsuna is so different than before and Nana is _terrified._  
  
Not for her, but for her beloved son.  
  
The son who stares at nothing, eyes blank and half-lidded, as he trips at nothing and everything, as he bumps and ruin everything and he looks so done, so tired, so resigned, and no 13 years old boy supposed to look like _that._  
  
(But Reborn doesn't know the feeling when all you can sense-taste-see-feel is monochrome. He, who lives in color have no idea what it feels to live in gray-gray-gray world)  
  
And Reborn reconsider his stance on the matter.  
  
To be The hitman.  
  
Or to be a teacher.

  

* * *

 

 Nana gave Tsuna an earmuff for his birthday.  
  
He wears them everything, because it's helping.  
  
And when Reborn asks him to take them off, he doesn't want to, because everything will turn upside down again if he takes them off.  
  
And he can't, he can't, not when he finally figures out how to handle his upside-down-turning-around world.

  

* * *

 

When Reborn tells Tsuna about the mafia, only two things makes him tick.  
  
His father, and Nono.  
  
"I don't want to inherit anything from that, that, _man_." He talks as if Nono was poisonous and something he despise and fear at the same time, and it's obvious by the widening of his eyes and the trembling of his limbs and the cold sweats on his skin, it's obvious that the boy truly _fear_ the Ninth.  
  
"And I _don't_ have a father."  
  
Tsuna pauses, closing his eyes.  
  
"Vongola can burn in hell for all I care."  
  
Bland, monotone, quiet.  
  
_Concerning_.  
  
What the hell, he's the World Greatest Hitman. _What the hell._

  

* * *

 

 Hitman, or teacher.  
  
(Bound by Nono, or Bound by Tsuna)  
  
  
(Is it because he sees so much of him in a young 13 years old boy who doesn't deserve _this_?)  
  
(Maybe, maybe, _maybe_.)  

  

* * *

 

"What. Do you mean. By you. Sealed. His. Flame?" Reborn asks, his voice deceptively calm as he imagines the blond on the other side and imagining a point-blank shot straight to that goddamn idiot's skull and sparing all of the world from his idiocy.  
  
"Technically it's the Ninth but... His Flame was strong, Reborn. Too strong. It could've _burn him_."  
  
"But in return, you _burned out_ the will inside of him to live. _You_ and _Nono_ ruined him."  
  
"But-"  
  
"He said he has _no_ father."  
  
A strangled noises on the other side of the phone. Revenge tastes so, so _sweet._  
  
"I can't use the bullets like this. He has no regret at all."  
  
_How can he, when Tsuna barely lives?_

  

* * *

 

 He's falling, and this is the second time.  
  
Falling, falling, falling, and no one can save him.  
  
Maybe this time, this time he finally succeeds.  
  
Falling.  
  
Will he feel nothing, and just gone like that?  
  
Falling.  
  
Or maybe he would feel...something. He doesn't know what.  
  
Falling.  
  
Falling.  
  
_**"TSUNA!"**_

  

* * *

  

He failed, again.  
  
When will this numbness stop?

  

* * *

 

The teacher inside of him wins.  
  
Nono can wait, Vongola can wait.  
  
(Nono himself never gave him a deadline, right?)  
  
So before Vongola, before everything else,  
  
Reborn will teach him how to _live._


	2. like a mirage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because when he opens his eyes, soft colors greet his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UM. OKAY. SO. 
> 
> GUYS. THIS CHAPTER WILL NOT BE EASY TO READ. PLEASE, PLEASE, IM BEGGING YOU. DONT TORTURE YOURSELF, YOU CAN ASK FOR SUMMARY OF THE CHAPTER AND YOU CAN ASK/TELL ME ANYTHING IF IT'S BOTHERING YOU, OKAY?? PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
> 
> WARNING : THIS CHAPTER INCLUDES EXPLICIT SUICIDE ATTEMPT. 
> 
> and this story is rated M now bc holy shit this chapter is heavy af

"Reborn-kun.... Do you have any idea what happened to him?" Nana asks during one of their late night meetings, an hour after Tsuna goes to bed. Reborn lifts one of his eyebrow, his small fingers caress the handle of the mug, letting the warmth of coffee seeps into his palm. He knows that drinking coffee in the night is bad, but this is a price he's willing to pay. After all, during the sessions, he always needs all the comfort he could get.  
  
" _Maman_ , are you sure you want to know?" It was never mentioned anywhere in the contract not to keep Nana out of loop, and even if there was, he's pretty sure he'll be able to divert the attention away from the gentle woman who simply had done everything she could for her son, and so deserves to know the truth, even if he couldn't tell her everything.  
  
Nana laughs, her eyes burns orange for a split second.  
  
"Of course I'm sure, Reborn-kun. Please," She takes a deep breath, determination settling into her shoulder, "tell me." All playfulness left the air, and who sits in front of him was no longer Sawada Nana, the docile wife of the Young Lion of Vongola. Instead, who sits in front of him is Sawada Nana, mother of one Tsunayoshi Sawada, a mother who's willing to do everything and anything to keep her son like he used to, the child who was naturally curious and bright, and by Gods Nana misses her little hero.  
  
She misses her little hero _a lot_.  
  
"Very well, _Maman_. First, your husband doesn't work at the construction site, he's working with the _mafia_."

 

* * *

 

Tsuna wakes up only to hear his mother's sobs, loud, clear, everywhere.  
  
(This is normal.)  
  
"Mama..?" Tsuna asks, tentatively, but he couldn't muster any emotions into his voice. Still as gray as usual, he thinks, frustration burns his chest.  
  
"Oh, Tsuna..." She whispers as she moves, wrapping her arms around his shoulder, tight, so tight, as if she's afraid that he'll be gone if she lets go.  
  
Tsuna is sure if he can feel anything, it will feel warm. Because his mama is warm, as warm as the sun, as accepting as the sky.  
  
He presses his nose against her shoulder while inhaling her scent.  
  
He doesn't really care when he couldn't smell anything. 

 

* * *

 

Ring.  
  
"Verde."  
  
"Reborn."  
  
"I need your help." 

 

* * *

 

"Oh, Reborn, it's been awhile!"  
  
"Ciaossu, Aria. I need your help."  
  
"Oh,  rare for you to ask. What's up?"  
  
"My student's Flames are sealed and I can't break the seal. For reasons I'm not willing to give, I can't use my method."  
  
"...I'll be right there." 

 

* * *

 

"Tsuna." Reborn calls out, and the boy turns to look at him. His eyes are as dull as ever, Reborn notes.  
  
"What is it..." Tsuna trails off as he looks up, before his dull eyes settles on Reborn again, "...Reborn, was it..?" He asks, his voice too soft to be heard by a normal person.  
  
Then again, Reborn isn't exactly normal.  
  
"Yes." Knowing the boy's trouble at remembering things-- _"It's too gray, I can't remember everything perfectly..."_ \--Reborn simply jumps on the boy's lap, empty brown eyes following his movement. The faux baby looks up.  
  
"I can help you."  
  
Caramel eyes widens slightly.  
  
"Doctors...can't find anything wrong... how can you..?" Tsuna struggles to say, as if he wants to express his disbelief but unable to, causing his voice to stuck in the strange limbo of _can't_ and _want_.  
  
"This is not something that a normal doctor would know." Reborn explains, before he tilts his hat slightly. "But you will have to work harder. Can you do that for me?" He asks, no, _demands_.  
  
Tsuna shakes his head.  
  
"I will work hard," Tsuna frowns slightly, which is more than usual, "But it will be for my mother."  
  
Sparks of Sky Flames shines beneath his irises.  
  
"Because I don't want to make her cry again."  
  
Reborn's lips turns into a smirk as he squashes the pride inside his chest.  
  
"Do it with your Dying Will, then."  
  
"Dying Will," Tsuna echoes, "I see."    
  


* * *

 

Reborn says to do it with your dying will.  
  
Tsuna... have a lot of dying will. A dying will basically is the will of a dying man, right?  
  
And he have a lot of dying wills.  
  
One of them was to make his mother happy.  
  
So.. in order to make it reality...  
  
He would have to die first.  
  
Maybe.  
  
Is that how it works?  
  
(But one thing's for sure, he's willing to die for his mother's sake.)  
  


* * *

 

  
There's so much red.  
  
Oh god, there's so much red.  
  
"What the fuck, what the fuck, fuck _fuck fuck fuck_ -" Reborn curses as he stares at the blood dripping from Tsuna's wrists, cuts wide open and left to bleed, crimson blooms when his blood touches something, even Reborn's own shoes. Reborn curses as he steps into the center of chaos--Tsuna's body is _too limp_ , his breaths are _too weak_ and this is not good, _shit not good_ \--closing--more like _slamming_ \--the door shut before rushing to the boy's side, his hands hovering near his pacifier.  
  
Sun Flames brights underneath his fingers, flaring and reaching and rushing toward the boy in the brink of death, not letting him to knock on the door's death yet, not yet, _not yet you're too young this is NOT YOUR TIME YET._  
  
"You fool." Reborn seethes, as he commands his Flame to keep going, keep going, _keep going and heal fix correct everything._  
  
_LIVE._  
  
**_LIVE, GODDAMMIT!_**

 

* * *

 

  
  
Tsuna wakes up, slowly, and he's not in his bathroom anymore. He stares at his bandaged wrists, noting the lack of massive amount of blood and feels a pang of disappoinment inside his chest but the feeling is gone in a blink of an eye.  
  
So he failed.  
  
"Can't even die properly, you really are no-good." Tsuna murmurs as he closes his eyes, dreaming of the world where he's fine, normal, crushing on someone pretty and maybe just a little embarrassing, but striving to be better for a bigger role, and not this failure who's only good at existing.  
  


 

* * *

 

 

  
That...was too much damages.  
  
He's sure that he haven't left Tsuna in a long time, only ten minutes, no more, no less, he knows.  
  
But he bleeds out too much, too much, and it was too close for comfort. Tsuna was one step away from death and it was too goddamn close.  
  
(He _tries_ not to think the light horisontal lines across Tsuna's wrists and thighs, **tries** not to think the implication of the scars)  
  
(He **_tries_** not to think the old vertical lines running down Tsuna's wrists, both right arm and left arm)  
  
(He fails)  
  


* * *

 

   
  
"Tsuna, can I ask why the fuck did you do that?"  
  
"You said to do it with your dying will, right? That means I have to die first."  
  
What the fuck.  
  
_WHAT THE FUCK?_  
  
(Why... does a child think so lightly of his life?)  
  
(And why does he feel like he wants to _burns_ Iemitsu until there's no remains of that idiotic man?)  
  
(Why does his chest feels so heavy and so, so tight?)  
  


* * *

 

   
  
"Verde.  
  
"Reborn."  
  
"Do you know any method to break open a seal on a person's Flame?"  
  
"...Explain."  
  


* * *

 

  
  
Maybe he really needs to stare Death right in the eyes to be able to feel again.  
  
Because when he opens his eyes, soft _colors_ greets his eyes.  
  
Barely there, it's barely there but it's there.  
  
Inhale, exhale.  
  
The colors return to gray.  
  
He needs to try harder, then.  
  
To die, that is.

 

* * *

 

   
  
A letter arrives, and it bears the Vongola Crest.  
  
Reborn breaks open the letter with dread running down his spine.  
  
One sentence was enough to make Reborn loses his composure.  
  
"He's not ready, dammit, _he's not ready._ "  
  
He shot the letter, too angry to think straight.  
  
( _Extermination of Rokudo Mukuro._ )  
  


* * *

 

  
"Tsuna, it's been awhile."  
  
"Oh....You came...I thought you'd be gone longer...?"  
  
"No, I will stay longer than usual. I have a feeling that I will be needed soon."  
  
"I...see. Welcome back, Fon-san."  
  
"It is good to be back, Tsuna. Now, would you tell me why are your forearms covered in bandages?"  
  
Flinch. "This--I--"  
  
"Tsuna..."  
  
"I-I can see the colors again, Fon-san. I-I have to do it."  
  
"Tsuna..." Heavy sigh.  
  
"I-I'm....sorry..."  
  
"Explain from the very beginning, would you?"  
  
"....It's..." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please stay safe everyone!! *worries like a mother hen*


	3. consequences be damned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "..He's not ready." Reborn says instead. 
> 
> "Not ready, what do you mean?" Iemitsu asks, finally a small concern fills his words, but not enough, still not enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this time it's just for the sake of setting things up, there's nothing explicit so you guys can..calm down. maybe. 
> 
> though there still is a few reference of suicide and nonchalant look at death, but that's kind of the usual in this fic. 
> 
> also aria. ARIA. hell ye

"Iemitsu, what the _fuck_?" Reborn says immediately instead of saying his usual greeting. On the other end of the line, Iemitsu laughs like he has done nothing wrong, which causes ire to burns deep inside of him, and the feeling of wanting to shot the man point blank grows bigger and bigger by the time he finally stop laughing. _As if nothing's wrong,_ Reborn angrily thought, his mind flashing back to red on the tiles bath tub _everywhere._  
  
(Stop, _stop._ )  
  
"You don't have to curse, Reborn," Iemitsu says, obviously amused, "what is it? Is there something wrong?" the blond asks. There was a soft creaking noise, and Reborn knows that man is probably leans into his chair, putting his weight on the old, creaky chair to get more comfortable. _Not my business,_ he thought as he reorganizes his thought before he could blow up in phone and flies back to Italy for the sake of killing that man.    
  
"Your...spies, what did they tell you about Tsuna?" He bites out, trying not to sounds so agitated. But he is. Annoyed beyond hell. What he expected when he came into this small city wasn't turmoils, turn of hearts, mirror of his old self, tired mother and suicidal son. No, what he expected was soft mother, no-good son, house warm and so full of love and not _this_.  
  
_Definitely_ not this.  
  
Whatever _it_ is.  
  
"A normal teenager with a slightly lower grade, what else?" Iemitsu hums, his voice still carefree as ever.  
  
Reborn's grip on his phone tighten. If this was a normal phone and not Leon, the phone would caves and break under the pressure of his hold.  
  
_A normal teenager doesn't think of killing himself like it's a hobby_  
_A normal teenager doesn't sound like he's tired of living, of himself, of anything and everything_  
_A normal teenager shouldn't sound like he has the weight of the world on his shoulder_  
  
Tsuna--Tsuna is anything but _normal_  
  
"..He's not ready." Reborn says instead.  
  
"Not ready, what do you mean?" Iemitsu asks, finally a small concern fills his words, but not enough, still _not enough_.  
  
"I mean I haven't shot a single Dying Will Bullet since I've arrived here, Iemitsu! Connect me to Nono, **_NOW_**." He barks out, gritting his teeth to reign in his murderous intent. There was a pause, before the call disconnects and connects to another phone, and this time it's Nono who says his greeting, his voice as carefree as a Vongola Don can be.  
  
"Nono." Reborn takes a deep breath, breath in, _breath out, breath in, breath o u t._  
  
"Reborn, why do Iemitsu sounds so...strange?" Nono asks, and Reborn is trying so so hard not to snap at the poor old man. _Inhale, exhale_.  
  
"I won't use the Dying Will bullets on Tsuna. So I'm going to call for more backups and I will need more time." Reborn pauses, "A lot of time."

 

* * *

  
  
"So Reborn is here to train you?" Fon asks as he settles on the younger man's lap. He stares at Tsuna with eyes full of concern, fondness and pity, and Tsuna takes a deep breath as he nods, not trusting his voice at all. He notices that he begins to feel a lot of thing now, and his emotions are one of them. He takes Fon's hands and holds them in his hands, and he tries not to think too much about his current situation.  
  
(He fails)  
  
"I don't--don't want to be the boss, it's scary." He whispers as he plays with Fon's little hands. Even though he can't feel anything, the weight on his palm was enough, enough to remind him that he's not alone.  
  
"I know, Tsuna, but maybe this is the miracle you've been looking?" Fon asks, letting the boy do whatever he wants to his hands. He knows Tsuna did this if he's looking for comfort. Small touches, presences, small talks, everything that reminds him that he's _here_ or else he'll floats away and it's  _not_ even his fault. Tsuna told him about his predicament in their fourth meeting, told him about how he can't feel anything but monochrome, and right in that second, Fon dubs him as his younger brother.  
  
(It was adorable hearing Tsuna calling him 'Fon- _gēgē_ '.)  
  
( ** _Was._** )  
  
"What miracle," Tsuna grumbles, and Fon has to fight a smile from appearing, because Tsuna just sounds like he's sulking, which is great, _perfect_ even.

(Because this means Tsuna begin to feel _something_ , and Fon is happy for him, he really does.)

"Maybe you can get over your fear over him too." Fon says gently, and Tsuna tenses.  
  
"I-I can't." Tsuna whispers, before he looks at Fon, eyes wide opens and there's so much terror in them, Fon couldn't help but to concede on his decision, all while wishing that he could take that look away from Tsuna who begins to shake from the images played by his brain, the one meeting that ruins everything. Fon hums a soft tune of old lullaby forgotten by time, and Tsuna sways lightly along with the tempo of the familiar tune, his eyes screws shut and his shakes slowly subsides.  
  
Tsuna bows his head in an unspoken request. Fon reaches out to slowly takes the earmuff away as Tsuna wraps his arms around Fon, his forehead pressing against the top of his head. " _Gēgē_ , what am I supposed to do...?" The brunet asks, and he sounds so _lost_. Fon takes one hand away from his lithe figure and instead presses them against his chest, his breath deep and calming, forcing the younger boy to follow his breathing.  
  
"Whatever you choose, Tsu, I will always stay beside you." Fon says, his voice gentle. But to anyone who is paying attention, one could easily hear the steel behind his tone, ready to reminds people why he was chosen as the Storm Arcobaleno, ready to strike everyone, anyone, _even the Gods themselves_ , if they dares to take him away from Tsuna who needs him, consequences be damned.  
  
(Because he doesn't want to see Tsuna like before, doesn't want to see him with despair coloring his face, with tears running down his face and he doesn't even look like realizes the tears, and instead he looks like there's nothing left inside of him, only a shell of a human being)  
  
Tsuna nods subtly, his breathing grows deeper and longer, calm softens his feature.  
  
(He doesn't want to see the time when he loathes to be called _Gēgē_ ever again.)  
  
"Sleep. I will stay right here, don't worry. I think your tutor wants to speak to me." Fon says, his voice shows his amusement. Tsuna nods, lightly, before he lays down on his bed and pulls the blanket to cover his body, one hand clinging on Fon's clothes. The martial artist moves closer to him, and the room temperature slowly drops as the Sky falls asleep.  
  
"Reborn." He calls out, his pacifier shines as the baby hitman approaches the martial artist with unreadable expression on his face. Fon puts up his pleasant smile, and Reborn tilts his fedora up to see the Storm Arcobaleno better. He jumps into the bed, taking care not to jostle Tsuna too much, and settles beside his friend, who keeps on looking at him with amused but calculating gaze.  
  
"What is your relationship with him?" Reborn asks, breaking the odd silence stretching between them. Fon gazes at the slumbering teenager, before he sighs. "I am his brother, in a sense. I have been his acquaintance in a long time, and I am glad he is doing better than before." The Chinese man strokes Tsuna's wrist gently, and Tsuna sighs in his sleep as he nuzzles his pillow.  
  
"...Rokudo Mukuro is here." Fon sharply inhales as he turns to watch his friend tilts his fedora down, shadowing a part of his face, "Rokudo Mukuro is here, and Nono wants Tsuna to get rid of him." Reborn says, anger leaking into his voice. "I told him that Tsuna isn't ready. But he insists, telling me that it's a good way to judge if Tsuna is worthy of being Decimo. I kept saying that he's not ready yet, I need more time, but he simply says good luck, and hangs up." Reborn's fists clenches on his side, and Fon is struck by the thought of how strange it is to look at the hitman who was always known as an aloof, cold-hearted killer to be this emotional.  
  
"He...doesn't even have a single guardian yet, is he?" Fon asks, worry fills his voice. Reborn shakes his head as he frowns.  
  
"He's not ready." He repeats, "being the Sky means he have to be ready for the weight of his Guardian. So I can't just pick some brats who's willing to play _Decimo's_ Guardians but not _Tsuna's_ Guardians. The strain will be too much for him."  
  
"Is there a difference between Decimo's Guardians and Tsuna's Guardians?"  
  
"Of course." Reborn snorts. " _Decimo's_ Guardians means that they heeds on the _Decimo's_ request, and would move the mountains for the sake of Vongola. _Tsuna's_ Guardians, on the other hand, follows what _Tsuna_ wants or needs, and would give him the moon if he wishes for them." He stops.  
  
"Might as well consider me Tsuna's Guardians, then." Fon replies easily. When Reborn raises his eyebrow at him, Fon laughs. "I can never leave him, not in this lifetime. I would give him the world if he asks, but I doubt that is what he wants." Fon says, a fond smile lights up his feature, "so I will do the next best thing for him, which is to stay next to him." He continues, and Reborn stares at him with grudging admiration in his eyes.  
  
"You've never felt that way about Luce before." It was not a question, but merely a statement. Fon stays silent, though, letting his smile answers the unspoken question.  
  
"Fine. Then you're going to help him with Mukuro, then?" Reborn asks, and Fon nods. "If that is what he wishes, then yes, I will. Though, Reborn..." Reborn turns just to see the martial artist staring at him with unreadable gaze, "Will you help me train him properly? I am aware that he cannot do his Flames just yet, not until Aria arrives but at least he could learn a few things regarding mafia, no?" Fon sighs, "It's not like I want him to be Decimo, but if Fate forces him to, then I will make sure he'll be ready to face whatever it is."  
  
Reborn smirks.  
  
"Thought you never ask."

* * *

  
  
"Wait, Princess?! Where are you going?!"  
  
"I'm needed somewhere else, Gamma!"  
  
"But, wait, what about Giglio Nero?!"  
  
"Just email me the stuff. I have to go. Reborn needs my help!"  
  
_As if that explains everything!_  
  
Exasperated groans, "Just tell me where are you going so it will be easy for me to look for you if the need arises."  
  
Bright grins, "Namimori, Japan. Just look for Sawada's house."  
  
"There's a lot of Sawada in Japan, though..."  
  
"Look for Sawada Iemitsu's house, then!"  
  
"The leader of CEDEF?!"  
  
"Yup!"  
  
"Wait... _WHAT?!_ "

* * *

  
  
_"What are you doing here, child?" Tsuna lifts his head only to find a toddler staring at him strangely. He knows he looks...abnormal, but isn't it rude to stares at people without their consent? Or is it not how it's done around here? Well, Tsuna doesn't really care, per se, but it's just a bit...troubling._  
  
_(Of course, it would be troubling if someone finds you sitting on the park, alone, at night, with broken leg dangling on the edge, arms and face bruised and begins to turn darker, signalling its recovery.)_  
  
_(Dammit, and even with these extensive bruises, he's still alive.)_  
  
_(He really is bad at dying, isn't he? Even though what he wants and needs the most are to be dead, gone, or anything, anything would be better than this void inside of him that's threatening to take him)_  
  
_"Shouldn't...I ask you that?" Tsuna asks, his speech slightly stilts and his voice rusty from its lack of use._  
  
_(Why would he use them when no one would hear him?)_  
  
_The baby laughs, before he jumps to the bench and sit next to Tsuna._  
  
_(Wouldn't his dameness infects him if he sits too close to him...?)_  
  
_"I am Fon, what is your name, child?"_  
  
_"..Tsu. You can call me Tsu."_  
  
_"Tsu, then."_

* * *

  
  
_"Tsu? Tsu, are you okay?!"_  
  
_"G-gēgē, gēgē, g-gēgē-"_  
  
_"Oh, god, we need to take you to the hospital quickly-"_  
  
_"G--gēgē--"_  
  
_"I'm here, Tsu, I'm here."_

* * *

 

"That is quite a strong seal." Verde says as he studies his monitor, all going haywire by the presence of strong Skies-- _three Skies_ , actually, he notes--in Namimori. He knows one of them belongs to the boss of Giglio Nero, but the other two... One of them are muffled, as if a dark shroud cover it's purity, and the other are strong, passive, sure, but strong. He imagines the passive one belongs to someone really protective, because even though it's a passive Flames, it was constantly used, like the person taps into the Flames often.  
  
"Huh. Surprising." Reborn looks at the monitor as well. The reading looks familiar, as if he already meets the Sky himself. He knows the muffled one belongs to Tsuna, but what about the other one?  
  
Wait, _wait_...  
  
"Can it be... Can it be belongs to Sawada Nana? Iemitsu's wife?" Reborn frowns at the screen.  
  
"Maybe I should meet her." Verde says with a wicked grin. Reborn sighs, as if he knows nothing can stop the mad scientist.  
  
It seems that a meeting between Mamma and Verde is inevitable, after all.

 

* * *

  
  
Mukuro sits on his makeshift throne, his lips curls up into a smirk.  
  
"It is time to start our plan. Chikusa, Ken."  
  
Chikusa and Ken steps into his view, and Mukuro laughs.  
  
"Tomorrow, tomorrow, I'll steal the boy's body..."  
  
His eyes flashes into '4', and he laughs, laughs, _laughs_.  
  
"Tomorrow, I will destroy the _mafia_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and the plot t h i c k e n s. 
> 
> ahhhhhhh i'm not sure what to think of this chapter lol send help 
> 
> so next chapter is ppppprobably mukuro's time, but even i dont know what i will write so hopefully it's going to be m u k u r o 
> 
> also gēgē means brother in chinese!! :D 
> 
> oh, yeah, also!! i'm not too good with grammar, so if any of you wants to help with the grammar or just to check things before i send em to the masses, you can contact me i guess! i'd rly appreciate it and might shower you with love if you do ;v;


	4. bang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Remember your mother." The hitman says as he presses the muzzle against Tsuna's temple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Stares at the word count, stares at keyboard, back to the word count* 
> 
> GROANS. My chapter's gonna get longer and longer and I can only blame myself. 
> 
> The usual warning of suicidal thoughts stands, and there's fighting. not really fighting, more like a total one-sided battle? idk, just mukumuku being mukumuku u3u); 
> 
> also!!!! thanks to Ienainu for beta reading this for me ;-; the grammar of the draft was horrendous! 
> 
> so yeah, enjoy!

"Tsuna, come with me." Reborn says as he jumps to the ground from Tsuna's bed. His expression and voice are just the same as usual: casual, blank, indifferent. But there's a tension on his arms, a weight on his shoulders, a rigidity in his back. Tsuna studies the small hitman for a moment before he hops down from the bed and changes his clothes immediately, not caring if the baby watches.

 

"Wear something comfortable for sport." Reborn says as he tugs down the rim of his fedora, before he leaves the room. Tsuna stares at Reborn's back, before shrugging and putting on a pair of comfy track pants and a loose t-shirt. He re-wraps the bandages around his wrist (a reminder of his mission and his faults, all of them) then leaves his room, closing the door behind him with a soft thud. Reborn stands near the stairs, eyeing him strangely. Not long after that, though, he turns around, goes down the stairs, leaving Tsuna all alone in the hallway. He tilts his head, sighing, and chooses not to question everything that Reborns does, and chooses just to go with it.

 

Tsuna comes down to the kitchen and kisses Nana's cheek who giggles and pats Tsuna's cheek gently. "Good morning, mama." Tsuna murmurs against her skin, and Nana ruffles Tsuna's messy, messy hair gently, smiling softly at the sight of her son, fighting to stay awake. "Good morning, sweetheart. I've made coffee." Tsuna nods as he sways on the spot--Nana giggles when Tsuna nearly smacks his head against the pillar--then he turns to reach his mug, drinking the hot liquid in one go without flinching at all. "I'll be back soon, mama. Reborn wants to do something with me." He says as he places the mug back on the counter. Nana nods, before she waves him away, and she watches her darling boy leaving through the front door. Her smile drops as soon as she hears the sound of the gate creaking close.

 

"I know you are watching, Fon-san." She murmurs, her eyes snapping at the seemingly innocent shadow. And the shadow moves as Fon steps forward into the light, his eyes lighting up with amusement. "Sharp as ever, Nana." He replies with an amicable smile, and Nana sighs at the obvious attempt to small talk. "I thought assassins were supposed to be subtle." She sniffs, ignoring Fon's laughter as she makes Fon's favorite tea.

 

"I take it you have a request for me?" Fon asks as he settles on top of the counter. Nana places the mug in front of him, before she sighs and nods. "Yes. I...have a bad feeling." She says as she grips the counter until her knuckles turn white. "I know Reborn-san has good intentions but I'm worried. There's something bugging me and it won't shut up about Tsu-kun." She turns to Fon who's listening attentively, his mug left forgotten. "Can you follow them, Fon-san?"

 

"With pleasure, Nana."

 

* * *

 

 The two of them walk side by side for a distance, before he jumps to sit on Tsuna's head, and the boy lets him and continues walking, following the direction Reborn continues to go.

 

"We've arrived." Reborn says, and Tsuna looks up.

 

Kokuyo Land stares back at him, now a pitiful image compared to what it was before. Everything looks so different now: instead of the scent of flowers and the sparkling building, what greets him is withered plants and decaying buildings, worn down by age and weather, and Tsuna is struck by how many memories he has of this building, some of them beginning to fade in the background, some of them blurry, bright colors and some of them playing like an old movie, but everything only made him want his senses back, because he wants to commit this into his memory, bad or not.

 

"What...why are you taking me here?" Tsuna tilts his head up as he asks his question, and Reborn moves from his head to his shoulder. "There was a mission for you to complete from the Nono himself." Reborn can feel the shiver of fear running up Tsuna's spine as that name leaves his lips. Before the boy can escape though, Reborn presses his thumb against the back of Tsuna's neck, rubbing it in a circular motion as he whispered calming words. It seems to work as a slight tension leaves the boy's frame, but he is still staring at the place with terror, as if he thinks that the man himself could appear in front of him.

 

"Calm down." Reborn murmurs. "The news was delivered through mail, so he didn't show up." More tension leaves Tsuna's body, but he's still tense, as if anticipating an attack. "But the mission..." Reborn pauses for a moment, then sighs, "...the mission was to annihilate one Rokudo Mukuro, a criminal who somehow escapes the Vendicare, which is the prison for mafioso." Here, he takes out a file out of _nowhere_ and puts them on Tsuna's hand, nudging him to read it.

 

Tsuna obediently opens the file, finding a photo of a black haired man glaring at the camera, and his data printed in the document. Starting with name, possible hometown, date of birth, gender, Flames, _everything_ , and then Tsuna's eyes land on the list of his crimes.

 

His eyes widens.

 

That's a _long_ list.

 

"He...did all this?" Tsuna whimpers, his fingers trailing after every words he reads. "But I told you that I don't want to become the Don, Reborn. I told you that." His voice is trembling. Reborn tugs his fedora down, shadowing a part of his face once again. "I know. But that man won't listen," he growls. "I already suggested for Iemitsu to take the throne but that man is stubborn. I'm sorry." He says, his voice oddly subdued.

 

"...No, it's fine. It's fine." _Maybe this time, I will succeed._

 

_At dying that is._

 

* * *

 

Mukuro laughs.

 

"They're here."

 

Three figures fade into the darkness, leaving the man on the throne who laughs, laughs and _laughs_.

 

* * *

 

"Before you're going there, though, let me remind you of one thing, Tsuna." Reborn says as he readies his weapon, both the usual gun and Leon.

 

"Hm...?"

 

"Remember your mother." The hitman says as he presses the muzzle against Tsuna's temple.

 

_I'm sorry._

 

**_BANG!_ **

 

* * *

 

"So Mukuro is here?" Fon murmurs.

 

**_BANG!_ **

 

"Already?!" The Storm Arcobaleno rushes to where Tsuna and Reborn stand, only to find Reborn aiming his gun at Tsuna and the boy slowly falling, as in slow motion, before his body hits the ground with a loud thud. There is silence between them, before Fon readies his stance, so fucking ready to punch Reborn's smug face who dares to turn back on him, dares to look him in the eye after he shot his fucking sky-

 

"Reborn, _nǐ zài zuò shénme_?" He growls, his eyes flashing red red red with anger. The hitman doesn't say anything, but he does let Leon turns back into his lizard form, letting the green chameleon return to its perch on the rim of his fedora.

 

"I'm sorry." He says softly as he turns to Tsuna who lies there, a gun on one hand, lying too still. "It was an order. I'm sorry." Regret and shame fills his voice, because he said that he wouldn't use the Bullets at all and now he did this.

 

"I'm sorry."

 

* * *

 

Everything is so dark.

 

Maybe it's a success. Maybe he died.

 

But why did he die?

 

_Do you have any regrets?_

 

Regret, regret, regret, regret, oh he have a _lot_.

 

For making her mama sad,

 

for making fon- _gēgē_ sad,

 

for making everyone ask stupid, stupid questions of mama because he doesn't come out much,

 

for making everyone he loves worry so much about him

 

for letting _that man_ touch his forehead and taking his life away

 

for letting _that man_ take his color away

 

He regretted a lot of things,

 

_he regretted for letting that man into his life_

 

_So what do you regret?_

 

He regretted-

 

He regretted that he was-

 

* * *

 

_Crunch, crunch, crunch._

 

Three men step out of the shadow.

 

"I assume you are Ken, Chikusa, and Mukuro." Reborn bites out, and he readies Leon again while Fon shifts his attention from Reborn to the newcomers, his eyes lighting up like a beast seeing its meal. Mukuro readies his ball of steels, Chikusa readies his yoyo and Ken stuffs a teeth into his mouth and he morphs into something less human and more animal.

 

But before they could strike, a shot, two shots ring out, and both Chikusa and Ken fall with a hole on their foreheads.  

 

Mukuro stands, frozen.

 

Both Reborn and Fon turns, only to see Tsuna stands with the smoking gun aimed at Mukuro, a blank expression on his face and Sky Flame burning bright on his forehead.

 

* * *

 

Her mug breaks.

 

Nana curses, stares at the window, because all she can do right now is to wish for her baby boy to be _alright._

 

But something has happened and now Tsuna’s in danger.

 

_Whatever it is, please protect him, Fon-san._

 

* * *

 

"Show me where Mukuro is." He says, his voice soft, gentle, _dangerous._

 

"I am Mukuro." The black haired man grinds out, and he grips the chain tighter.

 

Tsuna shoots the gun again, and this time he only misses by mere _millimeters._

 

"Show me where Mukuro is." Tsuna repeats, and Reborn can _feel_ the air grow heavier, can feel himself having troubles with breathing, while only Fon stands undisturbed and ready to fight. _Is this what Tsuna's Flame feels like?_ Reborn thinks, and while he's proud that his student can exude this much pressure without trying, something about this seems _off._

 

Something about this energy makes him feel like he wants to _puke._

 

"...Mukuro is inside the building." The man who stands in front of them mutters. Before he can say anything else, Tsuna shoots him dead.

 

The brunet stares down at the corpses lying near his feet, and he doesn't even look _surprised._

 

"Let's go." He simply says, and then the air feels normal again and he can finally _breathe_ and now he can only stare at Tsuna who keeps a blank face as he turns to walk into the decaying building.

 

* * *

 

He regretted that he wasn't strong,

 

because maybe, if he was strong,

 

he could've stopped that man from touching him,

 

from taking his color away.

 

* * *

 

The taste of revenge burning deep inside his heart.

 

_If I have to be the Decimo, I'll do it,_

 

_oh, i'll do everything i can to rob them of everything they love,_

 

_and RUIN. THEM._

 

_Even Vongola,_

 

_Especially Vongola._

 

* * *

 

His Sky Flame tastes like the _Night._

 

* * *

 

Mukuro stops his laughter as he stares, stares, _stares_ at the view of the ground through his window, stares at the lifeless bodies of his comrades, stares at the brunet who holds a smoking gun, who leaves the bodies and enters the building.

 

Anger begins to run down his veins, burning every logical sense inside his mind as it plays the familiar song of _kill kill kill_ and his killing intent fills the room, choking everyone in the building and oh, how he wishes he could _kill_ the Decimo-to-be with his own two hands.

 

He grins viciously.

 

Oh, how he _longs_ to rob the light from those eyes, for once and for all,

 

His ambition be _damned_.

 

* * *

 

“Tsuna, are you okay?” Fon asks as the trio walks toward the room where the real Mukuro resides, with Tsuna leading the pack. The brunet stays silent as he walks without bumping or tripping on anything, even with the amount of cracked wood and the pebbles loitering on the ground. Fon’s worried, alright? To his knowledge, this was the first time Tsuna ever shot a gun and he did it _perfectly._

 

“I’m fine, _Gēgē._ ” Tsuna replies. His hands are shaking, though, and his face twitches to stay blank. “I can see the color.” He says, his voice soft and trembling. _In awe,_ Fon’s brain supplies, and the martial artist frowns at the answer.

 

“I’m guessing it’s because the Seal released a portion of his Flame, but it wasn’t supposed to be like this.” Reborn speaks up for the first time after the shooting, his dark eyes trailing over to Tsuna who begin to hunch. “Your Flame….feels dark, Tsuna.” The hitman continues, now openly staring at Tsuna.

 

He doesn’t reply, choosing to randomly open one of the doors. .

 

* * *

 

A figure stands in the middle of the room, a trident on his hand and a smirk on his lips.

 

“Welcome, Decimo.” Mukuro purrs, and without any warning at all, he slams the trident down, creating an impressive illusion of pillars of fires firing at them. Both Reborn and Fon stand silent, even with the fire burning their sleeves, because they know it is nothing but an illusion.

 

It’s nothing but a _daydream._

 

Tsuna, though, doesn’t have that knowledge. He jumps and twirls over the rocks that float on top of the lava, avoiding every pillar that bursts out of nowhere with the intention of hurting him. He shoots the gun at Mukuro, only to find the man disappear the moment the bullet hits his forehead.

 

“Kufufu, do you think I would be that easy to kill?” Mukuro’s voice echos in the room, and then a blur of a figure appears in the corner of his eyes. Tsuna moves to shot the man once again, only to find it is nothing but a trick, and Mukuro is actually standing behind him, his trident buried inside Tsuna’s torso.

 

“I was simply going to use your body to take over the Mafia World, but alas, turns out you are _nothing._ ” Mukuro purrs, and he pulls the trident out, letting the blood flow faster. Tsuna coughs, and his brown-orange eyes turn just to see Mukuro vanishing again, and he is bleeding faster, faster, oh look there’s so much _red._

 

_I’m going to die._

But there is no fear, just peace, just triumphant.

_I wish to die and I died,_

_Finally,_

 

_Finally._

 

* * *

 

Reborn grits his teeth. He doesn’t want it to end like this, doesn’t want to this to end so quickly, with Tsuna standing in front of Mukuro while staring blankly at the man who simply smirks as his eye shine purple. But this is Tsuna’s test, and he isn’t allowed to meddle with it, even though he wants to, even though he desperately _needs_ to.

 

_“Why do you say that you won’t use the Dying Will Bullet, Reborn?”_

 

_“Look, I just don’t want to use it, okay? I’m doing this for Vongola, so I’m going to do this_ my _way.”_

 

_“Reborn.”_

 

_“...What is it.”_

 

_“Use the bullet.”_

 

_“Didn’t I say that I’m not going to-”_

 

_“This is an order. We don’t have much time. I’ve sent Gokudera Hayato to Japan, so maybe the boy can be Tsuna’s Storm.”_

 

_".....Understood.”_

 

_“And leave the battle of Mukuro Rokudo in the hand of Tsuna and only Tsuna. Not even you. Understood, Reborn.”_

 

_“..Yeah.”_

 

* * *

 

“You actually want to die? How _boring._ ” Mukuro sneers.

 

Tsuna lies on the floor, his eyes on the ceiling, his blood pooling around him,

 

“Yeah,” He closes his eyes,

 

“Yeah,” He breathes out.

 

* * *

 

Tsuna breathes in only to smell the antiseptic scent of the hospital.

 

Again.

 

His vision fades to gray, and the only thing he remembers before he passed out was Mukuro stabbing him in the torso and bleeding out, blacking out from the blood loss.

 

Tsuna groans, only to find Reborn sitting on his torso, frowning at him.

 

“Reborn...what happened..?” Tsuna asks as he tries to sits, and Reborn presses his foot against Tsuna’s chest, forcing him to stay still. The boy struggles for a moment, before he sighs out and deems moving to be impossible with the Hitman looking down at him with disappointment in his eyes.

 

“The Vindice arrived and took the prisoner away.”

 

* * *

 

_Tsuna falls, crumbling just like that._

 

_But before Fon and Reborn can move, there is a shadow floating above the ground, and there is a quick flash of pacifier, and when they blink,_

 

_Mukuro is gone._

 

_“What the fuck.”_

 

* * *

 

 

“The Mafia Police that you told me before?” Tsuna asks and Reborn nods. The hitman pauses for a moment, before he sighs, heavy and tired and resigned rolled into one breath, before he gets up and sits beside Tsuna, who turns his head slightly to keep an eye on Reborn.

 

“I’ll be introducing you to someone new tomorrow. Don’t stay up late.” And then Reborn is simply gone, and Tsuna is all alone in the room again.

 

He takes a deep breath, one two one two, before his body starts shaking, his eyes wide with terror because Reborn shot him.

 

Reborn _shot_ him, and he saw color.

 

Reborn _shot_ him, and his being was filled with revenge anger cold _killkillkill_ and he couldn’t stop the thoughts.

 

Reborn _shot_ him, and he wants his colors back again.

 

_Dammit, I can’t exactly ask Reborn to shoot me again, right?_

 

* * *

 

“Good job at retrieving the trash, baby trash.”

 

“Muuuu, now’s where my payment?”

 

“Done.” _Growls,_ “Now where were we, scum?”

 

“Perhaps about why I’m here, first?”

 

“Trash, you’re going to be our new Mist.”

 

“I’m sorry?”

 

“You fucking heard me, trash!”

 

“Where is this anyway?”

 

“Half-trash,” _Grins,_ “Welcome to the fucking Varia.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i bet none of you seen that coming eve) 
> 
> Nǐ zài zuò shénme : what are you doing?  
> Gēgē : Older brother
> 
> sorry for the late update, guys. (well sort of late, it's certainly slower than the others lol) 
> 
> it's been...tough, these past few days. hhhhhh im just super tired sometimes ;-; 
> 
> but yeah, shoot me a message if you got any question!! just as usual ;) thank you!!!


	5. "guardians"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You? No way, koneko-chan.” The boy says, and Tsuna sighs. “No way--wait, koneko?”
> 
> Tsuna squeezes the boy’s hand, and when the boy squeezes back, Tsuna feels like he can fly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta'ed bc I am dying to post this 
> 
> well, not really. i'm not really satisfied but ?? i have to get their introduction out of the way bc the more interesting stuff gonna happen soon? so yeah... 
> 
> i am sorry for being so late, i did say that i was going to china, but then after that lives bein' busy and then my keyboard broke down on me and so i have to bought a new one soooo yeah! hopefully im back for good? i hope? i rly dont want to leave this project alone guys ;;

When Tsuna finally returns home, he found himself staring at an unfamiliar woman on his dinner table, chatting amiably with Nana while sipping on her green tea. Her blinks, finding the sight strange, before he shrugs and close the door behind him. He takes off his shoes, tidying them, before he says, "Tadaima," accidentally startling the two older women.

 

Both his mama and the strange turns their head as Tsuna awkwardly steps forward, and it took another second for Nana to runs to her beloved son and wraps her arms around his lithe figure, squeezing the air out of him in the process. Tsuna chokes because of the lack of air, but he pats Nana's back gently nonetheless, trying to reassure his mother that he's fine, he's alive, please calm down, mama.

 

"So this is the famous Tsuna-kun, hm?" The lady says as she steps forward, observing the brunet with interest lighting up her eyes. Tsuna nudges her mother softly, enough to jostle her and returning her to reality. Nana steps back after she wipes her eyes, a watery smile on her lips. "Tsu-kun, this is Aria-san. She said that she was asked by Reborn to help you, so I said it's okay! You need all the help you can get, too." Nana says, before she squeezes Tsuna's wrist, gentle and warm and heavy, "that is okay with you, right, honey?" The older woman says with her kind smile, but one can easily detects a command sewn into her request, and so Tsuna nods, before he turns his attention back to Aria.

 

"So, I'd like to talk with Tsuna-kun himself, Nana-san. May I?" Aria inquiries, and Nana nods as she walks back to the kitchen with a bright smile on her lips. Tsuna sighs, then he motions blue-haired woman to follows him to his room. He fiddles with his earmuffs while he opens the door that leads to his room, allowing Aria to steps into the room first before snapping the door shut after him.

 

"Why are you here." Tsuna wastes no time to asks, because he knows that this woman is not a civilian. And she is not a normal mafioso too, if Reborn even asks her to come to help him. Aria studies him for a moment, before she sits on his bed and pats the spot next to her, silently asking for Tsuna to sits there. Tsuna freezes for a moment, before he shrugs and does so, his eyes trails after the older woman as she continues on watching him, carefully noting every single things that is strange about the young boy.

 

"The wounds, is it new? The one on your forearms." Aria asks, and Tsuna instinctively rubs a finger down his forearm, feeling the bumps of scars underneath the bandage. He nods instead of actually answering, alarm begins to settle at the bottom of his stomach. "Why are you here." He repeats, refusing to look at the older woman. Aria hums, before she takes out a familiar pacifier, one that reminds him of Reborn's and Fon's.

 

"Like Fon's and Reborn's." He says, and Aria nods. "This is the Sky Flame's pacifier, so basically, I am the Sky Arcobaleno. The original one was my mother, but she died and the pacifier was given to her descendant, which is me." She pauses, before she turns to look at him straight in the eyes, "Reborn asked me to teach you about the Sky Flame, because I've heard from him that you can't be shot with the Bullet."

 

"He..shot me. Once. Yesterday. Mukuro."

 

"Well, that's strange." Aria frowns, "He says that he couldn't shoot you because of reasons he's not willing to indulge but... To think he would do that anyway..." The blue haired woman strokes her chin, before she sighs and put the puzzle away for now, choosing to return her focus back on Tsuna who jolts uncomfortably at the interest shining her eyes. "I won't do anything to hurt you, rather, I'm only here to help. If you feel like you don't need my help, tell me and give me my reason, and I'll back off. How about it, Tsuna?" Aria proposes with a smile on her face, and Tsuna turns to watch the woman with wary eyes.

 

Tsuna hates change, still does.

 

But, but,

 

if it's to stop mama from getting worried like she is today, he'll take it.

 

(if it makes his revenge on that man easier, he'll take it)

 

Aria smiles brightly, and Tsuna strangely feels like he has done something good.

 

* * *

 

 

Tsuna stares at the boy sitting on the ground, his head hurting him for some unknown reason.

 

The boy stares back at him, his eyes shows death out of all thing, and there's a pang of something deep inside of him, there's something that wants him to take care of the boy and takes him into his sphere of protection, but what protection. He's useless, he can barely do anything right, all he could do is to fill up space but- but-

 

"Do you want to come home with me?" Tsuna asks, and he offers his hand to the stranger with dead eyes.

 

The stranger looks at Tsuna's hand, to Tsuna's feature, then back to his hand.

 

"Oh no, what a naive boy. How are you even manage to stay alive this long? What if turns out I am a," The stranger gasps flatly, if possible, “serial killer?” he continues, and Tsuna stares at him, flashes of amusement lighting up his eyes.

 

But even as the boy says that he’s naive, said boy himself grabs his hand and Tsuna’s eyes turns brighter.

 

"I'll take my chances." Tsuna says with a light smile, but then he pauses. “Well, what if _I’m_ the serial killer?” The brunet asks, and the boy stares at him blankly.

 

“You? No way, _koneko-chan._ ” The boy says, and Tsuna sighs. “No way--wait, _koneko_?”

 

Tsuna squeezes the boy’s hand, and when the boy squeezes back, Tsuna feels like he can _fly._

 

* * *

 

 

The stranger's name is Fran.

 

* * *

 

 

Tsuna really likes the afternoon he spends with Fran, because Fran can do this magic trick that he really, really likes.

 

Powered by the purple Flame--Mist Flame, Aria corrects him afterwards--Fran would tell him stories while his little puppets moves according to the stories, and Fran has a lot of stories to tell. Most of them are legends and fairy tales, but Tsuna didn’t mind them at all.

 

Because at least, in the fairy tale, there’s always a happy ending that awaits the sad protagonist.

 

And Fran always, _always,_ brought the sense of safety along with him, just like what he feels when he’s with his Fon- _gege._

 

So snuggled up next to Fran (“ _You really are look like a kitten like this, Tuna.”),_ head resting on Fran’s shoulder, Tsuna listens to yet another impossible tales, but one with another happy ending.

 

* * *

 

 

Tsuna, since long, long time ago, refuses to go to school.

 

His mom couldn’t really force him, because she knew just how bad the school can be for her son’s mental health. Because she knows just how much energy it takes him to stand in front of the gate, trying not to run because it will be like another day of pain, physical or not, intentional or not.

 

So when Reborn asks Tsuna to go to school just for the day, of course, Tsuna feels wary. The shot still haunts his mind--only because he wants more of those, but knows he will lose his control if he takes another one in the head and he doesn’t really like to lose his control--but he knows that whatever he’s planning, Tsuna would probably comes out alive.

 

He regrets it when he meets one Gokudera Hayato, who glares at him menacingly. Fran readies himself next to Tsuna who only watches Gokudera with a hint of fire beneath his irises. “Who are you.” This was not a question, but rather, a demand. He doesn’t like to play around, especially with a _puppy_ who seems to be doing what his master wants.

 

(Or doing what the hand that fed him wants. He doesn’t give a fuck, really.)

 

“The name’s Gokudera Hayato or more known as Hurricane Bomb Hayato.” The silver haired boy says, his voice showing his annoyance as he whips out his dynamites, and Tsuna only looks at him with bland eyes, as if asking the boy _what are you going to do with that fireworks,_ a look that only serves to make Gokudera’s angers burns brighter.

 

“Reborn-san says,” Gokudera grinds out, his lips pulled into a snarl and his emerald eyes blazing with ire, “If I can defeat you right here, right now, I can be the Tenth! So come at me, weakling!” Desperate for recognition, desperate for a standing for himself, desperate, _desperate, desperately,_ Gokudera shouts at Tsuna while throwing his dynamites, and Tsuna stares at dynamites falling from the sky as in slow motion.

 

Tsuna is so angry because he sees so much inside this boy who stands in front of him, who is so desperate, so _desperate_ it’s almost _laughable,_ if it’s not a bit tragic. His fists grows hotter, and hotter, from all the shame and anger coursing down his vein and there’s a whisper of _killkillkill_ like when he faces Mukuro, wanting to destroy his weakness, wanting to destroy this person who mirrors too much of him.

 

He--he--

 

As if a switch has been flicked, the seal slams shut and the anger’s gone, leaving him with the familiar numbness and his ears are buzzing, white noise playing in the background.

 

“You can take the title away, I don’t need it.” He says softly, his voice unnaturally blank. He turns his back on Gokudera and walks back to Fran, ignoring the way the dynamites exploding on his heels, and he continues to ignore them, and it’s easy, it’s so _easy,_ especially when he practices every day, every week, every month, every _year,_ because the onslaught of cold _cold_ and sensation isn’t an easy thing to ignore.

 

(He have to, he have to)

 

(So people won’t look at him like he’s crazy, standing blankly like a statue in the middle of the street)

 

(So people won’t _look at his mother with pity in their eyes)_

 

But before he could reach Fran, he flew backward with a bullet sinking into his forehead.

 

“Are you that desperate until you have to shoot the heir, tutor-san?” Fran asks, but there’s a hint of anger on his eyes. Reborn cocks his gun again in warning, the rim of his fedora shadowing his face, once again.

 

Tsuna opens his eyes, and he wakes up to the feeling of _fire_ and _warmth_ and _life_ singing in his ears, the buzzing gone and the nausea who always there to threaten to pull him under is gone and there’s no ache in his joint and he--he can see the _colors_ again.

 

“The Flame…” Tsuna stares at his hand.

 

“Oi, stop fucking ignoring me!” Gokudera yells, before he pull dynamites out of nowhere. “Triple bombs!” The silver haired teen fumbles with the bombs, and accidentally drops a few one. Tsuna runs to Gokudera, the anger returning with a vengeance. His fist aimed for a punch.

 

Tsuna throws a right hook, and that punch saves him from the worst of the explosion.

“Tuna, that explosion didn’t kill you, right? I’m going to lose my favorite toy if you’re gone!” Fran calls out. “I can feel the love, Fran, I totally do!” Tsuna calls back snarkily. Gokudera offers his hand, but Tsuna brushes it away as he stands. The bomber tries not to feel _too_ disappointed as he follows his boss’ movement with his eyes. Tsuna staggers back as the colors fade, and everything that is _wrong_ about this body returns, and after a few moments of peace without all the wrongness, now everything feels so...so…

 

He can’t _THINK._

 

“Tenth! I was so wrong about you, even if your techniques is a bit rough!” and Gokudera _lower himself_ until his forehead touches the ground. Tsuna ignores him, because he _will never acknowledges the name_ **_‘Tenth’._ **

 

(It would give them the satisfaction and satisfaction is not what he wants to give to them)

 

He chooses to return to Fran’s side, who looks bored, but there’s tension in his shoulder, _maybe from worry?_ Tsuna muses. Gokudera stands, finally realizing that there’s another human being other than Tenth.

 

“Who are you?! Are you a threat to the Tenth?!” Gokudera whips out his dynamites again after noticing Fran who keeps on looking at Tsuna with worry on his eyes. But before the dynamites can touch him, before Gokudera could even throw the dynamites, Tsuna’s hand wraps itself around Gokudera’s neck.

 

There’s a light warning playing in his eyes, because he’s _not_ afraid to take his life away from him to protect those he considers precious. Why would he feels _afraid_ if he could barely feel anything, anyway? He squeezes a little harder and he let go, and Fran pats his head. “I feel totally like a damsel in distress, you know.” The illusionist comments, and Tsuna stares blankly at the teen next to him. “You’re not pretty enough to be the damsel, Fran.” The brunet retorts, and Fran makes swords goes through his body, but it’s all an illusion, of course.

 

“Your words hurt me so, Tuna.” Fran complains, but Tsuna only shrugs and pretends to push the swords deeper. “I thought we were frieeeeeend.” The illusionist flatly whines, and Tsuna raises an eyebrow.

 

And Gokudera looks from afar, his heart hurting because there’s a Sky, right, there, so close, but also so far, far _away._

 

* * *

 

 

“Can I ask you a question, Sawada?” Yamamoto asks, and Tsuna only tilts his head slightly while mopping the floor. Yamamoto lets out a soft chuckle, before he sighs long and low as he leans on his broomstick, his hazel eyes darkening slightly.

“I think my record in baseball is kind of decreasing, you know? There’s a championship soon and I don’t want to fail the other! What do you think I should d-”

 

“Rest.” Tsuna cuts his sentence before he could finish. Yamamoto frowns, “But there’s a championship soon!” He exclaims. Tsuna shakes his head, “Rest. You need it.” That’s all he says before he returns the mop to the utility cabinet, and goes home.

 

Yamamoto stares at where Tsuna was a few minutes ago, before he laughs. “Still _dame,_ apparently!” He jovially says, as he throws the advice away.

 

* * *

 

 

“If you took care of your arm better, this wouldn’t happen, you know.”

 

The doctor said that.

 

Now Yamamoto has to deal with anger and grief from his team because _if you’re not in the field, we’re screwed._ Has to deal with the sadness in his father’s eyes everytime he looks at the cast. Has to deal with the constant “Are you okay? Are you okay?” from his classmate who never gives two shits about him before.

 

The attention, the sadness, the grief, the anger--too much, he’s too tired, _too tired._

 

He should’ve choose to follow Tsuna’s word. It was an opinion, an _advice,_ after Yamamoto asks him. Fool. FOOL. _FOOL._

 

He laughs, dry, bitter.

 

* * *

 

 

“Sawada, you should call me Takeshi!”

 

“...call me Tsuna.”

 

* * *

 

 

When Tsuna meets Ryohei, he tries so hard to step away from the older boy’s way. Ryohei, in his opinion, is like a living hurricane. Once you caught in his sphere, there’s no way to return, unless there’s a miracle.

 

But today, Lady Luck decided to ignore him as Ryohei ran straight into his very, very _frail_ body.

 

“SAWADA!!” Ryohei bellows as he stands quickly to help Tsuna back to his feet. “ARE YOU EXTREMELY ALRIGHT?!” He shouts, oblivious to Tsuna’s flinch. The white haired boy offered Tsuna his hand, and Tsuna took it as he stands once again. “No, I’m fine…” Tsuna trails off, before he nods at Ryohei to escape before the boy could get any weird idea.

 

“SAWADA!! YOU’RE TOO FRAIL!! JOIN THE BOXING TEAM AND BE A MAN!!!!” Ryohei yells, and Tsuna stares blankly at him because _how?_ He knows he’s suicidal, but that only offers slow death and it wouldn’t be as…

 

...as… hm. Now that’s a thought. As what?

 

All these things are hurting his brain.

 

“No.”

 

“OKAY!”

 

Well, that was quick.

 

* * *

 

 

(Every week, Ryohei asked Tsuna to join the group, but Tsuna always denied his request. Of course, Ryohei thinks Tsuna is just being difficult and keeps on asking, and asking, and asking.

 

From there, a tentative friendship between emotionally constipated children was born.)

 

* * *

 

 

Fuck Kyouya.

 

* * *

 

 

(Actually, out of everyone in this goddamn Namimori, the only one who can be counted as his ‘friend’ is one Hibari Kyoya, who didn’t mind the small herbivore, and even save the smaller teen sometimes.

 

To him, the small herbivore is like a bait for fake carnivore, so he brings amusement and chaos with him. Of course, it’s not like he liked it (the herbivore disturbs the peace, after all) but whenever his emotions runs deep and he needs to hunt something, the herbivore is there, running away from fake carnivore. So, the small herbivore is the bait.

 

It...suits him.)

 

* * *

 

 

Lambo enters his life with a bang.

 

Literally.

 

Long story short, his mama finally smiles again at the mess Lambo made, and Tsuna places Lambo on his good list.

 

* * *

 

 

“He’s not ready, _Nono._ ”

 

“But there’s no time, Reborn.”

  
  
“ _Nono.”_ He growls.

 

“ _This is an order_. Prepare him for the Ring Battle, Reborn.”

 

_Beep. Beep._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter might take a long time, or short time. i dont. know. 
> 
> im sorry for not being consistent.... im starting to feel like losing my interest? rly dont want to abandon thing but... yeah... im sorry ;; 
> 
> but thank you for reading!! also thank you for all the kudos and the comments and subscribing !! thank you so much uvu

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure if I want to add more but if there's anything you want me to explore then comment or hmu in bakugou-k on tumblr I guess?


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